Nine Steps to Win-Win Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a natural part of business and of life. Problems arise in the ways that you deal with these conflicts. Some people tend to take an approach that is too direct. Others shy away from confrontations to avoid hurting other people's feelings, to protect their own feelings, or because they lack confidence, which often leads to unresolved issues and lingering problems. There is middle ground.

Using the right approaches, you can deal with conflicts in effective ways that resolve the issues while maintaining positive relationships. This starts with clearly understanding the issues and the personalities involved. When you understand different styles of conflict resolution, you are able to see things from the other person's point of view. Simply having empathy for another person's perspective will go a long way towards resolving those conflicts.

Step 1: Have a positive attitude. Your attitude is essential to the outcome. You have a much better chance of coming to an outcome involving mutual gains if you approach the conflict as an opportunity to learn and achieve a win-win outcome.

Step 2: Meet on mutual ground. Find a mutually agreeable, comfortable, and convenient space to meet. Agree on when you will meet and how much time you want to devote to the process. Whenever possible, deal with conflict face-to-face.

Step 3: Do your homework. Take time to plan. You must not only know what is at stake for yourself, but you need to understand the other side's concerns and motivation. Take into consideration any history or past situations that might affect the resolution. Know the must-haves (non-negotiable items) and nice-to-haves (negotiable items). Determine the best resolution, a fair and reasonable compromise, and a minimally acceptable outcome.

Step 4: Look for shared interests. Get on the same side by finding and establishing similarities. Since conflict tends to magnify perceived differences and minimise similarities, look for common goals, objectives, or even gripes that illustrate that you are in this together. Focus on the future, talk about what is to be done, and tackle the problem jointly.

Step 5: Deal with facts, not emotions. Address problems, not personalities. Avoid any tendency to attack other people or to pass judgment on ideas and opinions. Avoid focusing on the past or blaming others. Maintain a rational, goal-oriented frame of mind. This will depersonalise the conflict, separate the issues from the people involved, and avoid defensiveness.

Step 6: Present alternatives and provide evidence. Create options and alternatives that demonstrate willingness to compromise. Consider conceding in areas that might have high value to others but are not that important to you. Frame options in terms of the other people's interests and provide evidence for your point of view.

Step 7: Be an expert communicator. Nothing shows determination to find a mutually satisfactory resolution to conflict more than applying excellent communication skills. Ask questions, listen, rephrase what you heard to check for understanding, and take a genuine interest in each person's concerns. Focus on ways in which you can move toward a resolution or compromise.

Step 8: End on a good note. Make a win-win proposal and check to make sure that everyone involved leaves the situation feeling they have won. Shake on it and agree on the action steps, who is responsible for each step, how success will be measured, and how and when the resolution will be evaluated. If there is a deadlock on non-critical issues, agree to disagree.

Step 9: Enjoy the process. Appreciate the benefits of learning other people's perspective. People report that after overcoming conflict and reaching an agreement, the relationship grew even stronger. Reflect and learn from each experience. Determine the criteria to evaluate the process and the solution.

www.London.dalecarnegie.com

What challenging times?

Five months into the role...Wow, it feels like it went very quick.

I was told I started in one of the hardest times the business has ever faced. I wouldn't know, for me there's no benchmark to compare it with and also we had and still have some great opportunities.

Do you think having a positive attitude can affect your results? Do you think we can choose our attitude and set ourselves for success? I am convinced of that.

Worrying about the economic crisis and thinking people won't spend money on training was not on my agenda. I strongly believe in what we offer, it not only changes people's lives but more importantly it helps improve business results. That's the reason people and businesses see the value in investing in this type of development, even in these challenging times.

Have a positive outlook no matter what's happening around you, you'll see better results for yourself and for your business.

Corina Balaneanu

Sales Consultant

www.London.dalecarnegie.com

Tears of Pride

This time of year many young folk leave for University and have to leave home, not necessarily forever but certainly for long periods of time. This is the start of a new venture for them. This weekend my eldest boy Daniel (step son) will be going to York University to study medicine and become a Doctor. Daniel since the age of five has always wanted to become a scientist or Doctor and now the goal is happening through his hard work and determination. Mick his Dad has always been included in our family decision when it concerns Daniel which has helped keep a stable balance in his life. That was until Mick died just under two years ago from Cancer. Daniel's world was rocked badly. The emotional impact on him and the rest of us as a family was difficult to cope with but somehow you get through. Daniel incredibly showed us that his promise to his Dad on his death bed was to make it as a Doctor and nothing would stop him. He has worked hard but still lived with the passion of enjoying life as an elder teenager and has become a great role model for his younger brother Jason.

Every single day this week we have seen tears from his mum, Jason and me and writing this blog today I am tearful. Great news is the tears are for joy too as we are so proud of him for the great achievement and when the farewells happen on Saturday at least we know Daniel will be fine. He has learnt many life skills and is extremely capable. Home life will be strange for a while but adjusting and adapting can be exciting when approached with the right attitude. Jason is already thinking bigger room for him.

So as Saturday approaches and I remain mellow and tune myself with positive thoughts of the future by living today and enjoying each and every moment and yes I will miss his fun loving nature but realise his inspiration for helping me this year through some tough challenges will be treasured forever. His return at Christmas will be a joyous occasion.

My tears are of pride and a sincere wish for his future as a great and brilliant Doctor, I urge everyone reading this to know whats possible when you take action. Take action on your dreams, goals or visions and make a difference for you.

Dr Daniel you are amazing.

Frank Steggall

Consultant

www.London.Dalecarnegie.com

'What goes around ......

Here we go with a war story - when I was a teenager in the early mid sixties the country was going through a revolution. The youth of the day were stretching themselves in all sorts of directions perhaps as a result of their parents being 'held back' following the austerity caused by World War 2.

Many icons of the day are still in our sight and sound many more in our memories. One of those that caught my attention then and did so just the other day was Simon Dee. Oh how I wanted to be smooth like him, a mod through and through but with a gracious air about him and a very easy style. No wonder he ended up on television.

As he did last week with the news that he has passed away at 74. So, 'what's the relevance' I hear you ask? Well its this. In the sixties its seemed that many people did not care about rules, sensible society, traditionalism, faith, etc. and in this sense Simon Dee, because of his position, could be easily aligned with these antiestablishment sentiments.

Strange what 50 years can do - or is it. Here is an extract of a letter from Simon to Michael Dean, who helped launch his career, just two weeks before he died. It's in the public domain so I hope no one is upset by it being replicated here.

"It's all out of control now, but we don't know how to stop it. greed has driven us all insane. We promote violence. Assaulted by the media, the emerging intelligence in growing children is confused beyond reason, and that's where many have gone. Tradition has fallen into the 'Forgotten' section of modern history. We desecrate the planet's body, knowing nothing of her mind. Yet with the merest shrug she can eliminate whole civilisations in a moment. She can lift mountains and drain oceans ... Now we have reached a stage when wisdom must predominate - or we fall. Someone, or something, has to make evident a higher intelligence - and one to be respected. It need not take long. The message must come globally. Everyone must see and understand it simultaneously. Returning to Eden is our next assignment. And, despite everything I have a hunch that we are going to get there after all."

Be wise now and change the world.

David Pickering

Consultant

www.London.DaleCarnegie.com

The Proverbial Green Shoots of Recovery!

Are they here??

I’ve found that in the past nine months barely one business conversation has escaped that proverbial question..... “So how is the credit crunch / recession / downturn in the market affecting your business.”

With the business we’re in of helping companies to grow and overcome challenges I feel it’s a well placed question as it influences much of the decision making process and has often been the reason that potential clients have sought us out. The added pressures of this difficult market often highlight deficiencies in the abilities of the team; therefore the question frames the conversation well.

I’m pleased to say that there have been many companies who have gone unaffected and a fortunate few who’ve thrived. I’ve referred many times this year to some facts that I picked up at a seminar in early February. There are more millionaires made in a recession than in times of economic growth! If you’re looking for a concrete example Bill Gates started Microsoft in the middle of a recession..... and he’s gone on to do quite well ; - )

So am I about to bring more doom and gloom to the city of London and speak more of recession?

I’m pleased to say NO!

In the past two weeks I’ve sensed a delightfully uncharacteristic air of optimism in many of the meetings I’ve been in. From my own experiences there seems to be a growing belief that things are turning. When so much of business success is based on perception of the situation this is good news indeed!

One could end this post with any number of cheesy catch phrases .... I’ll try to avoid that and instead encourage you to go ahead and make that decision that you’ve been putting off while you wait to see what happens to the market. If enough people believe it and start acting in a positive way all our businesses are sure to benefit!

David Anderson
Managing Director
Dale Carnegie London

www.London.dalecarnegie.co.uk

Due to some technical difficulties we are without a blog post this week.

However come back next week to read an inspirational post from David Anderson.

New Reality...

Nobody ever changed anything because of a good idea. People change when they get excited about a new reality. Paul Burbridge of Riding Lights Theatre Company put it this way: a good play is one that makes the audience feel so much that they cannot help thinking. Emotions drive powerful thinking – not the other way around.

Legend has it that Queen Victoria was put on a diet by her physician – which was a good idea because she had too much weight for her small frame. The usual punch line to this anecdote is that she enjoyed the special food so much she added it to her normal meals. The underlying truth is that she never got excited about herself as a slim person. She did not feel the new reality enough to do what was necessary to make it happen.

It is the same in any situation. Companies introduce new initiatives to improve customer service, reorganise departments or speed up production. Management is frustrated because the initiative does not work. The idea was good, the training excellent, the implementation plan beyond criticism – why didn’t it work? Only one ingredient is missing but it is like baking powder in a Victoria Sponge! The people who are critical to its success have simply not been excited by a new reality; they do not see themselves as players. The story unfolds around them as they observe and carry on with their work.

If we want change to happen effectively and completely we have to find a way for our people to feel it – see, touch, hear, smell and taste it. Only then will we be able to create the new reality that will transform our business and our lives!

Jane Kustner

Dale Carnegie Instructor