Christmas Wish

Did you get your Christmas wish this year?

Ok, how about your ideal Christmas gift? A quick search on ebay using the term “unwanted Christmas gifts” returns 1018 items. A search under “unwanted gifts” returns more than double!
Personally, I am keener to give gifts than receive. However, I do accept any gifts with open arms. So if anyone feels that they want to get me an ipad 2 after reading this, please do not let me stop you.

All jokes aside I want to share a couple of things about two people I admire. These two people have worked very hard and smart to get to where they are.

The first is one of my mentor’s, who just the other day mentioned that he was sitting with his fiancé looking at their respective and collective 2011 to do list. Marking off all the things that have been achieved and getting ready for the things that need to be achieved in 2012. He is always clear on want he wants to achieve in the business and personally. In fact he could describe a 3 year plan for the business “off the cuff” because he has spends so much time and energy on it.

I am sure you have been told that writing down goals makes them more real. Let me explain why I believe this is the case. By writing down your goals, instead of having a vague idea of what you need you force yourself to be more specific. Secondly, if you look at your goals on a regularly basis, you will be continuously reminded of what you should be focusing on each day.

The second is my best friend (sister and another one of my mentors). She has done really well for herself. She always has goals for the short term, mid term and long term. In fact, I am sure if you were to bump into her today you will find that she carries a notepad with all these respective goals written down. A few years back she wrote a five-year plan on where she wants to be. She then went about trying to connect with people that are doing the very thing she would like to do. Emails, phone calls, whatever it took to get some time with these people to find out how they got there and what they like, dislike about what they do. By doing this she created a clear path that she knew (provided she was willing to work extremely hard) would get her to where she wants, nay, needs to be.

Both of these people are a massive positive influence in my life, so much so that I have made out my game plan for 2012. As opposed to a list I have written my vision in a document which details all the things I want to achieve both professional and personally over the course of the next year. I have also ensured that I used positive and powerful language in the document. I also talk about my feelings on reaching my goals, so it is written in the present tense.

It will not cost you anything to do this. Spend some time leading up to 2012 thinking about everything thing you want to achieve then articulate this in the form of a vision. I recommended you keep somewhere you can see it regularly, whether that is by your desk or by your bed side so that it is the first and last thing you see everyday.

I will leave you with a couple of quotes.....

Robert Collier
Imagination gives you the picture. Vision gives you the impulse to make the picture your own.

Peter Marshall
Give to us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Amar Garcha

How to set achievable new year resolutions in few simple steps !

With new years just round the corner, the chat in the office today has focused around what we would like to achieve personally in 2012 ? As we all know the first question we are asked by everybody after they have recovered from the festive seasons holidays is ……(drum roll) …… So Kevin what are your new years resolutions going to be for 2012?

I believe that question could possibly be rephrased to what are your new year procrastination resoultions ? because how many times have we or one of our close friends set some goals that in the end they never even came close to achieving?

Well, if you find yourself falling into the procrastation catergory then you are in the right place because both Dale Carnegie and Heidi Grant Halvorson who is an motivational psychologist, Ph.D. and author of the book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals. Explains below in detail how we can set new year resolutiuons and truly achieve them.

Below are extracts from blog written by Heidi Grant Halvorson for the Harvard Business Review Daily.

Research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do. Here are 9 simple steps that we can all follow :

1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. "Lose 5 pounds" is a better goal than "lose some weight," because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you'll "eat less" or "sleep more" is too vague — be clear and precise. "I'll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights" leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you've actually done it.

2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it's not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.

To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., "If it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I'll work out for 30 minutes before work.") Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

3. Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don't know how well you are doing, you can't adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.


4. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don't underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal.

Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won't improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.

Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

The good news is, if you aren't particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don't have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking .... well, there's no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control "muscle" is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn't get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you'd honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill.

When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don't. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur ("If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.") It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that's the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

8. Don't tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it's important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don't try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don't put yourself in harm's way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won't do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., "Don't think about white bears!") has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.

If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like "If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down." By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.

My new years resolution after writing this weeks blog is the following :

Less talking and way way more action .....and the outcome I’m looking for is to run one half marathon by 2013 , so who’s joining me ?

Mark de Stadler
Performance Consultant
Dale Carnegie London office
0207 379 4323

Merry Christmas

2011 is nearly over, and we are very much looking forward to the new year. We have a range of new programs starting, as well as celebrating our 100th anniversary, which we are very excited about.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for reading our blog, and gaining an insight into the Dale Carnegie World. The new year will continue to bring further information, smiles and how we are applying Dale Carnegies' principles in real life examples, as well as new information.

We wish you a wonderful Christmas and a prosperous New Year!


From all at Dale Carnegie London

How to deal with difficult people? What if he is your boss?

You know these people that think they are always right? People who cut you off before you finish your talk, because they know the words you are going to say.
I had to work with this person for many years as a key colleague at my organisation.

Looking at things from the other way around, I felt that if I left him to treat me like this, he would remain behaving that way, or even doing it more and more. On the other side, if I confronted him, then we could end up in a big fight where nobody wins. What would you do if this person was your boss? And quitting is not an option!

After some years, I realized that there are more than the two options of to fight or fly. There are other options like to understand that the reason this person is behaving in this way, is because it’s the only way he knows. Think about! He is doing his best to deal with this issue and, more than often they are treating us like that because they honestly think it will be in our best interest. They think this is the best way to make us put into action.

Be honest, we can’t blame someone for something that we are already doing as well. When we strongly believe in something, we become defensive to protect our ideas such as where our company should be going, the education of our kids, where we should live, etc.

My message: Be compassionate, try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view and be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. This is the way that we will make them feel more comfortable with us (less aggressive / defensive) and opening channels of communication. This will allow you to get their will and achieve your goals.

Merry Christmas & A Happy New year

Jose Bort

Christmas spirit!

What makes events outside work so important?

We had our Christmas party on Tuesday...our usual venue The Royal Automobile Club (Pall Mall). I know, very posh!

It's always great to get together and have conversations outside work, people are more relaxed and you get a better insight into people's lives. A funny question was posed to our MD, David: "So how are you like outside work?". I thought that was very candid and subsequently very entertaining. It's those kind of conversations we wouldn't normally have in the office..and it's those kind of conversations we tend to remember.

So why don't we get together outside work more often? We are all very busy people. From my experience when we invest some time to really get to know people around us we build stronger relationships, we are more engaged and we achieve more.

Have a great Festive Season!

Corina Balaneanu

Consultant

"Carpe Diem - So What?"

This popular phrase is often translated into, as we know, 'seize the day'. But it's not the full phrase and so, as we will see later, perhaps it became foreshortened because the full phrase is less easy to live by. It is an easy act, a simple behavioural affirmation. It infers take chances, perhaps take risks. To some it might mean those risks are ill judged. For others it might mean giving in, or giving up. For a few it just might stimulate an expansion of their comfort zone. For others it might just get them moved beyond their comfort zone and into the unknown.

I have recently grown to have great regard for the writings of M.Scott Peck, particularly his classic 1980's piece, 'The Road Less Travelled'. Right the way through this, its sequels and related works, the authors stress that we all have choices in life. I get the feeling Scott Peck admonishes the majority of us that make up todays society for taking the easy choices route. Indeed his opening sentence is 'Life is difficult'.

So let's now think about seizing the day and what it might really take:
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – "Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future"

Here's the real point, or at least my feelings about the point. If we should put little trust in the future then perhaps today is the only opportunity we have. Even, at THIS moment we have the opportunity. Later today we may not have. It is the only opportunity to love, smile, be happy, be there, be with, to create, to care, to .....

Dale Carnegie in his book 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living', Chapter 1, suggests we 'live in day tight compartments. The easy thing to say is - 'I will not let the emotional experience of one event impact on the next'. The difficult thing will be not to let that moment pass without getting the very most from it, especially if the most is for the entire benefit of others.

The road less travelled will be to love, smile, be happy, be there, be with, to create, to care, to .....
You can make up your mind what follows the dots ....

Have a wondrous Christmas and glorious New Year

David Pickering

Catch my Disease :)

Florida, the sunshine state, where everyone is smiley and wears flip flops year round. It’s my home; Orlando, Florida to be exact. “What on earth would I be doing here?” you might ask. Well, that’s another story for another time.

I’ve been in England just over two years now and yes, I absolutely miss home. I miss the food, Disney World, Universal Studios, New Smyrna Beach, warm weather, and friendly faces. Also, nothing compares to a having a sunny Christmas where it’s 23 degrees out (sigh).

Then on the other hand, there’s London. Fish and chips, Thorpe Park, Madame Tussaud's, Brighton, rain, and less smiley faces. I struggled quite a bit when I first moved here because well…. you may understand where I’m going with all of this.

You can’t make eye contact with passers-by, people step on your feet or shove you without saying excuse me and even worse, if you even try to ask a stranger a question, he/she may look at you as if you have seven heads.

Those behaviours really got me down for a while until one day I decided I would buck the trend and treat everyone the way I did while living in Florida.

No matter where I went or who I interacted with, I would give a smile. It’s amazing how contagious it is when you smile. You should try it sometime. I even do the same on the underground on my way in to work. In fact, just this morning there was a woman standing in front of me who looked really umm…..let’s just say, unhappy. We made eye contact, I smiled and she surprisingly gave me a very warm smile right back. Her smile made me grin and as I walked off the train onto the platform, my grin made someone else in passing smile. I’m sure the woman might have thought, “Uh, why is she smiling at me? That’s a bit weird.” In the end it worked anyway, she smiled!

I even go as far as talking to the clerks at grocery tills and asking them about their day. This is all much to their dismay of course, but I believe some of them actually like it when others take an interest in what they’re doing.

I acknowledge that not everyone you try this with will react as positively as you might want them to, but I really challenge you to smile more. It’s contagious whether other people recognise it or not.


Stacey McPherson

Never give up your dreams

Image courtesy of The Big Issue

I have been known in the past to talk about Billie The Big Issue Seller, mainly because personally I find her extremely inspiring.

From the time I have known her – about 8 or 9 years – she has met Boris Johnson, The Prime Minister (and been inside Number 10 Downing Street), appeared on Radio London talking about the Night Walk, had numerous articles written about her, the latest one being in Time Out Magazine a few months ago and is somewhat of a celebrity in her own right on the corner of Cranbourn Street and St Martin’s Lane.

The reason for me talking about her once again is because in less than two months time she will be employed and helping people who are in need of drug and alcohol rehabilitation.

Just over a year ago we stood on her pitch chatting about the winter weather and how cold it was – I think at that point snow had fallen in London. She told me that she was worried about being out in the cold in the mornings as her health is not too good due to the years of abuse she put her body through. She just didn’t want to do it anymore. As we were chatting we got on to the subject of working with people who needed help to conquer their drug and alcohol addictions and that she would be perfect for the role. It was something I knew at the time Billie would be good at as she has a real way with people. I will never forget how she looked out for me, hugged me and listened to me when my father was going through terminal cancer. She was amazing.

It was Billie’s dream and one that she held on to.

A few months ago her long term relationship ended and she was almost forced back on the streets again. It’s the only time I have ever seen Billie lost and quiet (you can hear her cheery voice from a good distance). She was scared as she didn’t want to go down that road again. Her customers rallied round and gave back to Billie what she had given to them in all the years she was on that corner. We gave her encouragement, towels, bed linen, curtains....customers looked after her dog when she couldn’t have her and they even gave her money to see her through whilst she was unable to work in order to sit at the council and beg for somewhere to stay. She was given emergency accommodation and started to get back on her feet.

Image courtesy of the London Housing Trust

It was at this accommodation that she met the landlord who helped house people with drug and alcohol problems and they saw her in action. Saw how she dealt with people. And how she really understood them as she had been there. She didn’t judge, but listened.

Around that time Billie started taking days off from her pitch, which is rare for her and it turns out that she was put on a course to become a drug and alcohol rehabilitation counsellor so she could do this properly. They loved her so much and admired how she helped people that they offered her a job. She has her own office, computer and above all respect.

So as from the end of January, Billie will be starting a new phase in her life. With everything she has been through – and from what I have read, she has been through a lot – she deserves to have this chance. She will be missed on the corner as she is more of a friend than a Big Issue Seller, but I am over the moon that she is doing what she loves especially as she told me that she was made to do this job.

And it goes to prove that when you have a dream, a goal, an ambition, never let it go, hold on to it and take little steps to make it happen. Grasp opportunities and say out loud what you want. Your dream can come true too!

You can read Billy's story here
Helen Mills

Dale Carnegie Catalogue

After months of hard work, we are very proud to announce that the first of many, Dale Carnegie London Autumn/Winter Catalogues have arrived in our office, and has hopefully landed on your desk too.

The catalogue has been created to celebrate Dale Carnegie 100th Anniversary, and throughout next year we will be celebrating this achievement with new & exciting courses, seminars and new material, to illustrate that Dale Carnegie’s principles are just as relevant today, as they were 100 years ago.

The catalogue is available as a hard and soft copy, and allows for anyone to search the Dale Carnegie offerings with ease. It not only contains our classic courses such as the World known Dale Carnegie Course, but also our newest additions such as the 1 day Public Speaking Mastery program, and our 3 hour on-line training programs.

Access the Dale Carnegie London new catalogue at a click of a button today by visiting: https://www.london.dalecarnegie.co.uk/assets/223/7/Dale_Carnegie_Autumn_11_catalogue_Lo_res.pdf

Alternatively if you would like to receive a hard copy or have any questions please contact us at 0844 800 8260.

Stephanie Fletcher

When Push comes to Shove

Due to the fact that I now work in Central London, I have been forced to become one of many commuters using London’s tube system and endure the dreaded rush hour. The myth of being one of hundreds of sardines trapped in an elongated tin can has now become a reality for me and it’s safe to say I’ve experienced far more comfortable journeys in my short time on this earth. I have discovered there is a great irony with all passengers who use the tube. Unless you are travelling in a group, we completely isolate ourselves from one another. We do not make eye contact, share a smile and conversation is mainly restricted to, ‘have you finished with the Metro.’ In spite of this however, no matter how much we refrain from any form of social interaction, everybody at some level is thinking one collective thought.

‘I hope I get a seat.’

There’s no need to be ashamed of this. I’m certainly not. I see nothing wrong with not wanting my journey to work at 7am to consist of being elbowed in the ribs by someone trying to turn the page of the latest bestseller or tripping over somebody’s luggage fresh off the plane at Heathrow. My dilemma comes not from wanting a seat, but from what potentially could happen if you’re fortunate enough to obtain one. Aside from the sense of victory you feel, you have now unknowingly placed yourself in the position of being a human moral compass. How so I hear you cry? An example would probably be most fitting.

Its 7.15am. I’ve been on the tube for ten minutes and the train is just pulling up to South Ealing. The very little patience I have in my grouchy and tired state is being tested to the limit by a man who, despite being sandwiched between me and the door, still feels this is the perfect time to read a broadsheet newspaper even with his head at an unnatural forty five degree angle. I was about five seconds away from offering my own, somewhat unsubtle opinion on when is the best time to catch up on world events when suddenly I spotted a gentleman in a seat folding up his newspaper. He places it behind his head by the window and grabs, but does not pick up his bag. This is a clear indication that the man is preparing to vacate the chair and I begin my approach. Slowly, so as not to arouse suspicion, I stalk my way across towards where he’s seated, using the tried and tested, ‘I need to see the tube map to work out how many stops I have left’ method as justification for my movement. We arrive at South Ealing and as I anticipated, the man arises from this chair and proceeds towards the doors. Quick as a flash, I swan dive towards the now vacated seat and in one swift movement grab the paper he left behind, open it to the sports section and plant my derriere in the chair, making sure not to knock the recently purchased Kindle out of the hands of the person next to me.

Triumphant, I sat on my new found throne adorned with an out of date seat pattern and worn in piece of chewing gum, safe in the knowledge that my journey would be one of relative comfort from here on in…or so I thought. No sooner had I selected an album to serenade me into central London, was a man tapping me on the head (and I literally mean my head, like he was telling off a dog) claiming angrily that I had stolen his seat. Unfortunately we weren’t underground yet so I couldn’t pretend that I was finding it hard to hear him and naturally everyone was listening. I must confess that my natural instinct in situations such as this would be to confront the gentleman, question his entitlement to the aforementioned seat and declare unashamedly that I would not be moving. I do not shy away from verbal confrontation as I can talk anyone into the ground; I might not even be right but I’ll still win through sheer perseverance. The stage was set for a showdown.

Suddenly, I remembered a key phrase from a book I was reading. The book had been given to me as I had recently started working for Dale Carnegie and it was titled, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’ The phrase was simply, ‘The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.’ I sometimes have a problem processing books but I always find that certain sentences and ideas stick out and due to my argumentative nature, this sentence stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb. Realising that this was an ideal opportunity to try out such a technique I simply smiled at the man, stood up and ushered him into the seat offering my apologies. To my astonishment, he smiled back and offered his thanks. He then too apologised and went on to tell me that he had had the worst possible start to his day and even something as small as getting a seat on the tube had made him feel that much better. With a simple change of mentality I had gone from being a further nuisance to a man having a bad day, to being part of the solution to his downbeat morning.

You might be reading this and like me, find yourself in confrontation far too often and sometimes might even seek confrontation for the sake of it. I would encourage you to take onboard, as I did, the words that Dale Carnegie phrased so expertly. ‘The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.’ I’d like to think that ‘the best’ not only applies to what you get out of it, but like my example shows, could also be the best thing for the other person too.

Brett Mills

Dale Carnegie & Jeffrey Gitomer form partnership to deliver world leading sales training

Exciting news!!!!! At this years Annual Dale Carnegie Convention in San Diego it's been announced that the leading Author Jeffrey Gittomer and Dale Carnegie Training have formed a partnership to develop some of the worlds leading sales training collateral and the first step will be to launch a new programme in 2012 titled Jump Start Your Sales Success that will be followed later in 2012 with an advanced sales training and a cutting edge sales management programme.

Learn more about our new partner here.

In a world now dominated by social media where it is infinitely easier to find out information about products and services over the internet and even evaluate the sales person coming to meet you on facebook, linked in and google. Buyers are more informed than at any time in history therefore to differentiate ourselves in this competitive information heavy market we need to recognise as Gitomer says 'People hate to be sold to but love to buy' These new programmes will help you to get onto your clients agenda and sell more than ever.

Watch this space for further updates on this exciting new sales curriculum.

David Anderson
Managing Director